Please
Like Me
A few months ago Paula Vince posted a fascinating article at vincereview.blogspot.com.au about why people don’t leave comments on blog posts. The discussion was illuminating. Many people commented (ironic?) offering various reasons from previous comments being misunderstood to the challenges of technology. What was agreed was the need to continue to support each other in promoting and encouraging each other on this writing (and publishing) journey.
I have a similar question. Why don’t people
press like on a Facebook post?
It’s a simple thing. Press the like button,
or if you want to invest a little more, hold the like button to get an emotion
(love, haha, wow, sadness, anger). Hey, if you really care, write a comment. What
puzzles me is how people can ‘see’ an article and just move on, not even
acknowledging they’ve read it. Especially when it’s such a simple thing to
press ‘like’.I’m a relative newbie to Facebook, having only been on since 2014. Prior to that I couldn’t really see the point, as I felt social media had the potential offering a sheeny-shiny, shallow artificial connection that made users think they really were connected, at the expense of real deep relationships earned over years. Turns out I was right. And wrong. Wrong because Facebook can be more than just a friendship-meter, tracking your popularity (ugh! who wants to revisit those high-school days? Oh wait…) It has the opportunity to connect acquaintances (those from Omega conferences, etc), to share useful information (I’ve learned HEAPS about writing from my ACW friends) or track how a loved one far away is doing (not in some creepy stalker-like way!). My sister has lived overseas for the past four years, first in England, now in Canada. Her photos of her many trips have been (literally) eye-opening, and something that Facebook expedites, as opposed to an email with a link to download her photos via the Cloud or Onedrive or some other method of streaming photos. Facebook can be good. But it has a downside, too.
Did you know social media can be like a
drug? In 2012, a Harvard University study on social media found that talking
about oneself through social media activates a pleasure sensation in the brain
usually associated with food, money and sex (www.pnas.org/content/109/21/8038).
Dopamine – that organic chemical in our brains – is released when we get a
response, whether it’s a ‘like’, or a text, or our tweet re-tweeted. Dopamine –
that same sensation that occurs for gamblers, smokers, drinkers – is highly
addictive. We want more, more, more – we become insane by greed! (to quote
Barbara Cartland 😁).
Getting likes makes us feel good. (Hello?)
But what if we don’t get the ‘likes’ we crave? What if the post we craft, or
the news we think so amazing, earns the social media equivalent of a dismissive
eye-rolled ‘whatever’?
The drug that makes us check our status
before saying good morning to our spouse, that makes us upload photos of meals or
check our phones instead of talking to our dates, that makes us think about our
emails rather than actively engage in work discussions – this drug has the
potential to cost relationships. Motivational speaker Simon Sinek explains it
clearly here: youtu.be/jeAtNduPFmI
Rather than listening to people to truly
hear we listen to craft our reply. Rather than spending time, lots of time,
with those who see us at our best AND worst – those who truly know us – we look
for affirmation from those we barely know. Those very same people whose
indifference is revealed by their scrolling past your post to find another more
titillating, more worthy of a ‘like’.
Have you ever had to ‘go dark with social
media? Take time away because it just doesn’t make you feel good anymore? I
have. (Honesty time here). Sometimes I’m just not secure enough to cope with
the plethora of information Facebook bombards my feed with. Sometimes I’ve
unfollowed people because my ‘highlight reel’ cannot compare to theirs, and
instead of getting that ‘feel good’ hit, I get a shot of ‘feel bad’ 😢. Sometimes I re-follow them, sometimes not. I know my posts have
the potential to make others feel the same way. I try to make my posts
positive, to be light and salt, to not add to the negativity so prevalent in
certain circles (aka the news). I don’t actively go out of my way to make
people feel less (does that sound arrogant? SO don’t mean to be; hear my
heart). My sister told me about a Facebook ‘friend’ who posted about her
amazing boyfriend who just graduated medical school, finishing her elation with
a breathily snide ‘what has YOUR boyfriend done recently?’
Ouch.
Narcissistic, perhaps?
Insensitive, much?
People who spend more time on Facebook
suffer from higher rates of depression than those who don’t. ‘Seeing everyone
else’s highlight reels: how Facebook usage is linked to depressive symptoms’
was published in the Journal of Social
and Clinical Psychology in 2014. In it, there’s a clear link showing studies provide evidence that people feel depressed after spending a great
deal of time on Facebook because they feel badly when comparing themselves to
others. (Read more: http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.2014.33.8.701)
I’m an introvert by nature. Sure, I can put
on a smile and, given the right circumstances, act like the life of the party
(I’m not pathologically introverted!) – even if I find myself exhausted at the
end. Being introverted means I worry about what others think. Sometimes I can
even obsess over it, wondering what people REALLY meant, rather than taking
their words at face value. Sometimes I feel emotionally fragile, and can go to
a dark place, my ‘cave’ where I can only cope with those I know who truly love
me, despite my flaws.
Some of you may be aware that in a few
short weeks my debut Regency ‘The Elusive Miss Ellison’ releases in the US. I’m
very aware that there will be negative reviews and potential for 1 star ratings
- not because I think my book is bad! – but because that’s the nature of
putting your creativity out into the world for assessment. What one person
loves another loathes. I get that.
I’m learning (still learning!) that my
security is not to be found in other’s opinions, not to be found in comparing
myself to others, but to be found in Jesus Christ.
I am not the sum total of ‘likes’ received.
I am the child of the King. Chosen for His purpose. Appointed, anointed to share His love and light and hope, especially through the medium of words.
Australasian Christian writer – you are,
too. Beloved, anointed, appointed by the King.
When I remember this, when my focus is on
God, who truly has my best interests at heart, then my heart lifts, and I’m
reminded of the bigger God-picture, the bigger God-purpose that instills
confidence and hope in my future. I need to feed on the truth of His word
rather than the feeds of the often faceless popularity-pollsters in the virtual
world. When I notice I’m addicted to other’s opinions, ‘going dark’ on social
media might be the detox I require to get the balance right, aided by an
increased dose of Bible, prayer and praise.
My prayer is as I continue this writing journey,
with all its ups and downs, that I – and you – will know deep within our soul
that ‘likes’ don’t need to matter as much as His love.
His love – the true hope for all the world.
Your
turn:
What makes you ‘like’ or simply pass by a
post?
Have you ever had to ‘go dark’ to save your
soul? If so, what helped you ‘rebalance’?
Carolyn Miller lives in the beautiful Southern Highlands of New South Wales, Australia, with her husband and four children. A longtime lover of romance, especially that of the Regency era, Carolyn holds a BA in English Literature, and loves drawing readers into fictional worlds that show the truth of God’s grace in our lives. Her Regency novel 'The Elusive Miss Ellison' will be published in the US by Kregel in February 2017. She is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of the Steve Laube Agency.
