Writing a memoir

A memoir sounds quite an exotic thing to write, don’t you think? Perhaps something only famous people might attempt—or those with too high an opinion of themselves! A few years ago, after submitting the concept of my own memoir Soul Friend to an overseas publisher, I received a response that politely asked me why anyone would want to read a memoir by someone as little known or as unimportant as I am! Yet the word ‘memoir’ simply means an account of past experiences written from the author’s own personal knowledge—surely something within reach of us all. But that does not mean there are no challenges involved in such a venture. As Patti Miller, author of The Memoir Book and Writing Your Life, states: Writing about the self is one of the most demanding journeys you can take. It requires honesty, ruthlessness and courage. (p 132 The Memoir Book)

So, given we believe this is what God wants us to do, how do we go about it? Of course there are various ‘how to’ challenges we need to come to grips with, such as employing the right narrative voice, choosing a workable structure, using dialogue and maintaining good pacing. But over and above all that, I believe there are four big questions we need to answer before plunging in.
Firstly, what will the parameters of our proposed memoir be? Unlike autobiography, which usually involves recounting one’s entire life in chronological sequence, a memoir focuses on one main aspect or period of our lives—perhaps our childhood or a certain relationship or a particular place where we once lived. And this focus must always be maintained, if we are not to exasperate our readers with unnecessary detail or boring back stories.

A second factor to consider is why we want to write our memoir. Is it to share certain truths about the Christian life? Is it so others can perhaps learn from our experiences and be encouraged as they face similar issues? Is it even an attempt to make sense of things that have happened to us and who we are as a result? I believe these were some of the factors behind my writing my own memoir, Soul Friend. On the other hand, could we perhaps be letting self-indulgence run wild? After all, some people view memoirists as habitual ‘navel-gazers’. Worse still, could we even be trying to get back at someone or to set the record straight about past events?

A third factor to think about is how vulnerable we are prepared to be. To what extent do we need to bare our souls to the world in order to say what we feel should be said? Are we willing to risk being judged or misunderstood? Is it wiser to keep some things to ourselves? I am glad I decided to be honest and open in writing Soul Friend. I have had some very touching emails from readers who have thanked me for that. But I understand too the need for wisdom in this area.

Finally, how will what we write affect others? Yes, we may decide to be open and honest—but at what cost to another’s reputation? At what cost to our own relationship with the person concerned? Again, there is wisdom required before putting something in print we might later regret. Perhaps asking others’ permission might be a sensible thing to do, as well as listening to the opinions of our manuscript readers in this regard.

So ... are you ready to write that memoir? Yes, writing about oneself can be a demanding journey, requiring untold hours of soul searching, emotional conflict and reflecting with God. But it’s worth it, many times over. After all, the results can be life-changing, for ourselves as well as for others.

Jo-Anne Berthelsen lives in Sydney but grew up in Brisbane. She holds degrees in Arts and Theology and has worked as a high school teacher, editor and secretary, as well as in local church ministry. Jo-Anne is passionate about touching hearts and lives through both the written and spoken word. She is the author of six published novels and one non-fiction work, Soul Friend: the story of a shared spiritual journey. Jo-Anne is married to a retired minister and has three grown-up children and three grandchildren. For more information, please visit www.jo-anneberthelsen.com or www.soulfriend.com.au.

Those interesting writing questions

To mark the release of my latest novel, The Inheritance, a few weeks ago, our senior pastor was gracious enough to interview me in our morning service, after which I offered my new book for sale—kind of like a ‘mini-launch’ just for the folk at our church. In the interview, I even managed to sneak in a little plea for people to look for books by Aussie (and NZ!) Christian authors at their local Christian bookstore!

I enjoyed chatting to people as I sold my books, but just as I was packing up, a rather intimidating lady approached me.

‘When you have a moment, I’d like to ask you something.’

I hurried to finish what I was doing, wondering what her question would be. Had she objected to something I had said in my interview? Did she not like the idea of Christians writing novels? I was ready for just about anything.

Eventually, she drew me to one side.

‘I’d like to ask you—how do you write a book?’

Just a simple little question! I tried not to look too shocked and hoped my mouth wasn’t hanging open. I have been asked this question before, especially during bookstore appearances, but this time I couldn’t think how to respond. You see, this lady seemed well educated and very articulate. Was she really expecting me to give her a comprehensive response then and there?

In the end, I decided to ask a question of my own—several, in fact. Was she interested in writing a book herself? If so, what sort? Would it be for her family or for a wider audience? Had she begun to write already? Did she enjoy writing?

As we talked, I discovered she wanted to write her own life story. I offered to give her some notes I have available on topics such as getting started in writing and getting published. I recommended a couple of books on the subject. I suggested she write letters, journal entries, brief articles—anything to stretch her creative writing abilities. I told her about a Christian writers’ group nearby, but she did not seem interested. On top of that, she does not use a computer and was not keen to learn.

Then came another abrupt question.

‘Well, I actually wondered if you’d write it for me.’

Hmm. Was this her real question all along? Was she hoping I would jump at the opportunity? Perhaps you have received similar requests and, like me, have had to turn them down. I have too many books of my own waiting to be written at present—and, apart from that, I am in the middle of a very busy period of promoting my new novel. I could see this lady did not appreciate all this, however, and I felt mean disappointing her.

How would you have responded to this lady’s first question? Had I been less busy, I could perhaps have offered to meet with her and talk more about it. After all, many authors have answered my inept questions about writing over the years. Is there a better or more gracious way to help such people? What do you think?

Jo-Anne Berthelsen lives in Sydney but grew up in Brisbane. She holds degrees in Arts and Theology and has worked as a high school teacher, editor and secretary, as well as in local church ministry. Jo-Anne is passionate about touching hearts and lives through both the written and spoken word. She is the author of six published novels and one non-fiction work, Soul Friend: the story of a shared spiritual journey. Jo-Anne is married to a retired minister and has three grown-up children and three grandchildren. For more information, please visit www.jo-anneberthelsen.com or www.soulfriend.com.au.